Where in the world is The Glamorous Housewife?

(via My Vintage Vogue)

Well kittens, its been a long time! How to explain where Ive been?

We all go through periods of discovery about ourselves. Sometimes this discovery is fun and exciting, other times the journey is through the dark and unknown. The last 6 months have been the later for me. I want this blog to be full of glamour and beauty and style, and yet I wasnt living the life that my blog represents, so I stopped. There was no reason to burden you, dear readers, with my problems- for they were only problems with trying to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be, they were not 'real' problems such as divorce, death, or unemployment.

But as it is said in the musical Carousel: 'At the end of the storm comes the golden sky and the sweet silver song, of the lark'. I believe my existential storm is over, and the warmth of the sun is beginning to shine its light on my psyche.

And with that said, I have some wonderful news!

I'm PREGNANT!

Yes, its true, I am 18 weeks pregnant and totally thrilled! You may recall I already have two children- Mason age 8 and Toby age 6. They are my pride and joy and I thought my husband and I were done having babies. But part of the discovery about myself was the deep desire to have another baby, and my husband agreed! It took much longer to get pregnant this time then with the other two, which was part of my angst. And then once I got pregnant I was basically on bed rest with 'morning' sickness- which lasted all day for the first 14 weeks! I have only been feeling better for about two weeks, and I am still occasionally sick from time to time. So needless to say there was a run to Target to buy up sweatpants and t-shirts. The glamour was gone from my life, and I missed it terribly.

But my tummy is doing much better! I can finally leave the house, and I am starting to wear dresses again. But I am in desperate need of a mani-pedi and brow wax! I need to go from this:

To this:

(via My Vintage Vogue)

So my dears, that has been the tale of my disappearance. I am hoping to continue the blog now that I am feeling better, and I look forward to catching up with all of you.

I'm Back!

(via my vintage vogue)

You may ask yourself

What is that beautiful house?

You may ask yourself

Where does that highway lead to?

You may ask yourself

Am I right?... Am I wrong?

You may say to yourself

My God!... what have I done?

-Talking Heads

Hello my darling kittens! I have missed you all so much. Yes, I took a very long break from blogging. I had some personal issues I needed to work out. A sort of mid-life crisis if you will. You see, for seven years I have been telling myself that I didn't want to be a stay at home mom- I wanted a CAREER. And this CAREER would make me feel creative and popular and fulfilled. Only there was nothing I really wanted to do! I had already created a line of clothing- my dream since I was a little girl. And that was incredibly creative and exciting and fulfilling. But it was also draining and tenuous and never made any money!

So I took a job at a corporation. And it was wonderful- for about three weeks. And then it just became work. And that is when I realized that I had just gotten into the habit of wanting a CAREER and hadn't really analyzed if at this point in my life was it what I really wanted. So I took the last few months off and really thought about what makes me happy. And you know what I came up with? My life, without a CAREER, makes me happy!

I enjoy getting the kids to school and then having the day to figure out what to make for dinner, and what games to play with the kids when they get home, and what I am going to write for my blog.  I like spending time with my friends and planning my Shabbos meals and supporting my husband. I don't need a CAREER to make me feel like valid part of this society. I know it sounds so simple, but for me it was a long time before I could accept that staying at home was just as important as going out and making money.

But why am I telling you all this? Because I am back baby! I missed my blog and missed my dear readers. But with my life change, so too will this blog change. Before now I only discussed vintage clothing, interior design, and cooking. I would like to add more mommy stuff like kids clothing, parenting issues, and kids art or craft projects.  I hope you are all excited I am back, and I promise to visit your blogs soon.

Aloha From Hawaii

Hi kittens! I just wanted to let you all know that I am in Hawaii this week and I don't have any new posts :(. But the good news is, I dragged my best vintage and vintage inspired dresses here and I get to dress up every evening for dinner. So I will do my best to take photos and next week I will post them. Yay!

My Favorite Five Looks

Hi kittens. Sorry for the lack of posts but it was Passover and I didn't get a chance to post because I was so crazy busy.

Today I thought I would bring you five looks that I think are classic and timeless. Here are my all time favorite looks:

This is my favorite look on Dita! Tanned skin + blond wig = stunning! Loves it!

When it comes to fashion, I say less is more! If you have a banging body, why not show it off?

And what could show off a tan better than square fake french tip nails? Pure elegance.

For those days when you just dont feel like wearing red lipstick, try wearing a visible lip liner. Just make sure to wear a lipstick that is at least 3 shades lighter than the lip liner and you will be good to go!

And finally, for those days when you are just lounging around the house, be sure to wear these comfortable shoes. They not only feel good, they look good too!

APRIL FOOLS!!!

Sorry dolls, I couldn't resist! Have a wonderful day.

You Must Decide The Fate Of My Family....

Every year my whole family (my husband, kids, my siblings with their families, and my Mom) go to Hawaii. And every year we take a family portrait for my Mom's Christmas card. It is always a nightmare with everyone complaining about having to get dressed up and missing some quality beach time.

So this year my brother thought we should hire a professional photographer (usually my Mom's boyfriend takes the pictures), serve champagne, and make it more fun. Everyone thinks this is a great idea, but now we cant decide on if we should wear matching outfits, or just do a color coordinated picture.

Personally, I am on the side of matching outfits. I found some great white shirts for all the guys and kids (the kids are all boys!). Then I thought the ladies could all get dresses at J.Crew in shades of blue or green. I know it is totally cheesy, but isn't that kind of the point?

My sister, thinks we should NOT have anyone matching and just dress in whatever we want so long as we dress in shades of blue, white, or khaki. My only issue with this is, there are A LOT of shades of blue out there and it might not look cute.

So I told her I would put it out to my blog and let you ladies decide.

So you must choose: Matching outfits or color coordinated outfits?

I Got A Job!

Yes, its true. I got a real live professional job!

 It turns out a company that will remain nameless hired me to help consult with them about female consumers. Basically I am trying to build a community on their website to help sell their service. I am so excited because if there is one thing I know, it is women and their interests!

The company isn't vintage or retro at all, but many of the things I have learned on this blog can be directly applied to my new job. So I want to thank you kittens for helping me grow Tales Of A Retro-Modern Housewife to almost 300 followers.

Unfortunately, this means I need a brief period of time- I am guessing two to three weeks, to get my new schedule up and running. Therefore I might not have my posts up as early as I used to. But I am going to try very hard to keep both my new job AND this blog because they are both so fulfilling.

Thanks dolls, for understanding.

Temporarily Closed Due To Hangover

Kittens, I had a huge housewarming party yesterday. Needless to say, I am nicely hungover.

I usually write my posts a day ahead, but I was too busy drinking to attend to it yesterday. Give me a few hours to recover and I will try to get a post up later this afternoon.

Happy Valentine's Day!

A great big kiss to all of my wonderful readers!

The Queen Is Dead.

You are the best dressed angels in heaven.

May you both find peace together in the beyond.

Fall Asleep With Dita

Have you dolls seen this yet?

It is a limited edition sleep mask designed by Dita and manufactured by Moschino!

This glamorous housewife actually sleeps every night with a face mask, so I am tempted to buy. However, at $130, I wonder if I would actually use it or just keep it for fun?

Theme Of The Week: Valentines!

With only two weeks to go, I thought it was an appropriate time to get into the spirit of Valentines Day! So this week I will be bringing you a Valentine decoration craft, some fun Etsy Valentines, a beautiful and EASY way to arrange roses, and some stunning dresses that are perfect for a night out on the town with your loved one. So please be sure to check back each day for all you Valentines Day fun.

Amusing Vintage Bloopers

And for our final installment of things that make me laugh, I have some funny vintage bloopers and other videos. Please enjoy!

Porky Pig's Best Blooper 1

Porky Pig's Best Blooper 2

Banned Flintstones Commercial

Vintage Warner Brothers Bloopers

Great outtakes with some commentary

Funny Vintage Advertisements

As I peruse my vintage magazines, I can't help but be amused by the ads throughout. Some of them are naive, some of them are silly, and some of them are downright offensive. It is fun to see how far we have come, and how sometimes, we have gone too far.

I can not believe they used to advertise Thorazine! And to keep old people calm!

Ah, I see. If I keep my vajayjay clean, then my husband won't be such an asshole. It all makes sense now!

So wrong.

This ad made me laugh out loud. Can you even imagine putting soda in a bottle these days?

Can you imagine a soap using a baby that has fallen out of a tub as an advertising gimmick these days?

Oh, honey, please! At least she has panties on, which is more than I can say for some of the young starlets these days!

So, so wrong.

This is a personal favorite, because every time I mess up dinner my husband quotes the above ad and it always makes me feel better.

Spotlight On: Anne Taintor

I bet you don't recognize this woman's face.

I bet you might not even know her name.

But I am sure you recognize her art:

Yes, those funny little vintage vignettes are created by Anne Taintor.

Anne started out as a cartographer- she used to have a job making maps!

But because she was a single mother, she needed to find a better way to make money and be at home for her child. So she started to make little collaged magnets and pins. Using pictures ripped from vintage magazines, she would cut words out of the same magazines to create funny little snarky 'thoughts' of the models.

Needless to say, the little items took off, and now Anne Taintor items are in more than 3000 stores in 25 countries!

Oh, and 2010 is Anne Taintor's company's 25th anniversary.

My favorite thing about Anne Taintor is her company's philosophy:

 To articulate the irreverent inner thoughts of contemporary women.

When it comes to vintage humor, Anne Taintor is the real mccoy.

Theme of the week: Humor

January kind of sucks. It rained all week and I have been kind of down in the dumps. No motivation, no inspiration. I am finding clothing kind of boring, I am uninspired with my cooking, and I am sort of just going through my days with little enjoyment. So I decided this week I would focus on things that make me laugh!

Here is what is on the agenda for posts:

Monday: Ugly Vintage Food

Tuesday: Quirky Vintage Fabric Patterns

Wednesday: Spotlight on Anne Taintor

Thursday: Humorous Vintage Ads

Friday: Crazy Hats and/or Vintage Bloopers

Hopefully this weeks posts will put a smile on your face, and if I am really lucky- maybe they will give you a chuckle or two.

The Tooth And Nothing But The Tooth

here

My tooth hurts.

Bad.

Started when I was landing after visiting my family for the winter holidays. As we were flying into the airport, I got the worst pain in my back molar. I seriosly thought my face was going to explode!

I finally got around to seeing the dentist today, and sure enough, I need a root canal! I have never had one before, so I am kind of nervous. The dentist says I shouldn't have any pain.

So I thought I would put together a fun collection of teeth to make me feel better.

(The picture title is the link!)

Happy Teeth!

Soapy Teeth

Tooth Broach

Toothy Container

Cute Tooth

Wouldn't these be perfect little gifts for a dentist?!

Putting Up With The Rain

It is going to be a long rainy week here in Southern California. I am not used to so much weather! Bring me blue skies and sun pronto.