I've been thinking a lot about presence in parenting throughout the years I've been a mother. I feel often like I'm not really there, with them. My thoughts are always somewhere else: with the house chores, planning the day and routine, and thinking and imagining ideas for my work. I'm almost always in a hurry but can't get much done. The house is a mess, I'm hopeless with paperwork and so few things have a real place. And I don't even get to cook complicated things, which is OK since we like simple food and it's often healthier, but it also feels as if cooking too became something on the far end of the to-do list, instead of a creative, loving action.
I'm reading
soulemama's book "the creative family", and she shines a new light on these matters - well, new to me, even though it's a simple change of focus. ("simple" can be so important, don't you think?)
Her idea of assigning a specific time for just being with the kids wholeheartedly, without a thought about anything else, and even using a timer for that is so simple yet so focusing in itself. The change in perception of creativity that is offered in the idea to create with them rather than saving all the creative energy till after they've gone to sleep (maybe that's just my interpretation) is so refreshing. I tend to treat my work as a separate thing, and I think Hilel is coming to hate my sewing. In the chapter about imagination games she talks about getting involved in their imaginative play. I'm not sure about that, I always felt that I could never come close to their psychedelic way of thinking, and that my way of playing will limit them to my much poorer imagination. I also felt that it's just not really my job to play with them: I'm not their age, I have tons of other stuff to do, and by being left alone to play they can get much further in their imaginative travels and in gaining self confidence. However, it is a good idea to try and think of it differently, see what happens.
I haven't yet finished reading, but I'm really enjoying putting question marks on my ideas and conceptions of education. It is so inspiring.
Today Amalia stayed home with me, she only goes 3 times a week to sort of a day-care, and I tried to dedicate more time to being with her, although I had other stuff to do, as always. But I think we both gained so much from this: I got to do my things even more than I normally do, and she got to play with me. First she wanted to do some puzzles together, and we did, but I said I'll have to later do some sewing, so she said: "I have an idea: we'll do two together, and then I'll start the same two over by myself". that worked. Then I let her play with the buttons while I went on with sewing. After a while I thought I really have to start making lunch, so I offered to bring her oven to the kitchen, to cook next to me. We got her a beautiful wood oven for her birthday and it's standing in the children's play room, where they of course rarely do play... she has all those little pots and plates and cups from Ikea and some felt vegetables I made, but she hardly ever uses it all because their room is too packed with stuff to be inviting for play. Bringing it into the real kitchen was a big success, we cooked next to each other and she really engaged in this.
lentils cooking...
...or was it water?
cutting vegetables
then cooking them
and finally we even set the table with both the real food and her play food. She even wanted to put "her" food in her plate next to the quinoa...instead of any real vegetables of course... we'll have to work on that some other way.
